


Don't lose who you are

by Luetisch



Category: bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Jimin is bi, Other, Yoongi is genderfluid, hoseok is straight, jikook - Freeform, namjin - Freeform, polyamorous, seokjin is trans, they are all cute, they are valid, who cares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-10-30 09:05:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10873578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luetisch/pseuds/Luetisch
Summary: Yoongi is a boy, but he's also a girl. Sometimes he's nothing of both and sometimes he's a mix of others.Yoongi meets Hoseok, a very straight Hoseok.





	1. Chapter 1

Don't loose who you are

-

Yoongi is many things. He's smiles, late night coffees, a loud yawn in class and savage comments. Yoongi is social anxiety and running around in abandoned streets. He's blurry photographs and neon green light. He's the annoyance that comes with a Monday morning.

She's all of this and more. She's falling into bed after a long day. She's dressing up and going out with her closest friend, she's scared of love, she's bed hair and morning breath, nothing more than a light touch of hands.

 

He's her and she's him.  
Yoongi is one person, but two expressions and he never cared.

 

It all starts when the sun shines way to bright for a Thursday morning, tickling Yoongi's nose with just enough force to wake him up.

His feet are sore from walking all the way home from studio last night, his breath is stinky and his hair is ruffled. He stands in the bath and he looks in the mirror. There he sees her. 

She's all annoyed glances cause of her look. Yoongi pulls out the mascara, putting it on the way she did ever so often. She learned it when she was around five, watching her mother intensely while she tried to cover up bruises that her job left.

Yoongi cleans her teeth and brushes her hair. Then she pulls out a wig, longer hair always fits better when she's a girl. Actually it's not always like that, but most of the time. Yoongi can be a girl without long hair but sometimes she just likes long hair better. So she adjusts her wig, tugging back the actual strands of hair, so that it won't stick out. It takes her longer than she thought because she didn't do this for a relatively long time, finding extensions way more useful but she couldn't just buy extensions every now and then, they were way to expensive. So she stuck with the real hair wigs that she got a long time ago, for now. 

The next look in the mirror is way better. A little make up always did wonders, her long mint green hair falls around her chubby cheeks just the way she likes it and that thing that she called skin also looks better with make up.

„Time to go“, she announces to herself, standing up and grabbing some toast before heading out of her apartment.

 

-

 

Yoongi loves large coffees, no, she basically lives because of them. While taking a sip from the huge cup she smiles looking at her phone, admiring the people that had what she craves, a rapper career. At the moment she was still in school, struggling to pay the bills, staying up late night to work shifts at Pizza Hut. She was struggling, but never did she loose her confidence. As long as there would be a large coffee every morning she would make it, she is sure.

There are no phones allowed in college, but nobody cares, really. Teachers are passing students who are listening to music and students get lost in the online world while sitting in the lessons.  
Yoongi listens to music. She always does. Nobody knows Yoongi without the sight of at least one of her headphones pushed into her ear, her fingers lightly drumming a beat on the nearest surface. Her friends don't mind, she isn't sure if they could mind anything at all. They just live through college, sit together with a sometimes a girl and sometimes a boy person and are chatting away, they always seem to get to lost in talking. It happened to Yoongi one too many times, coming late to classes because of the bickering of her friends. 

 

The sun shines so hot. She is glad that she shaved her legs the night before so that she can wear her nicest skirt, mint green just like her hair, together with a T-Shirt that gives away just how annoyed she is with all the people.  
"If you read this you're an annoying piece of shit."

She turns around the next corner, coming close to her college. It is a nice building, that kind of old stone that everyone imagines a castle being build of. There are many people much to her annoyance.  
Of course she knows that she'll meet people, that is a given when one attends college, but she doesn't like the thought of pushing through all those people, brush past all their skin. 

The social anxiety is lingering deep, twisting her gut in a very unpleasant way, while she tries to avoid every gaze and the wandering hands of all the people talking.

Her head is between all the bodies for a moment and with that her breath is cut short, she's panicking. She is cursing her height while trying to push back the rising panic attack. Her palms are already sweaty, her hair feels kind of gross, she feels someone's jeans brushing her bare legs-  
and then she stumbles out of the crowd.

Some deep breaths and rushed steps later she can actually calm down again.  
Yoongi pushes her hair back, leans against the wall for a few seconds before she forces herself to do the last steps. She pushes a huge door open which is made out of old wood, and has carvings blooming from the top to the bottom like beautiful flowers. It is the door to her classroom and when it opens she does three things in a row. The first thing she does is abandoning her now empty coffee cup in the trashcan, the second thing is looking up, and the third thing is noticing the boy that sits on her chair.

Oh no, he won't.

"Get up," Yoongi demands, not caring about politeness. The boy in her chair looks up, an uncertain smile tugging at his lips. His hands come up, slowly pulling out his headphones. 

"Excuse me, I didn't know that we have a seating arrangement? As much as I know everyone just sits where they want and I really wanted to get out of the hell in the back of the class so I just got in the first row, what's so wrong with that?"  
"You sit on my place."  
"Well like I said no seating arrangement."  
"Well like I said get the fuck up," Yoongi hisses and the guy actually gets up.  
He collects his laptop that looks like it is about to die, his notes and moves.... just to slump down on the seat next to Yoongi.

Yoongi grunts and adjusts her hair while sitting down. Her rucksack slides of her shoulder and slumpes on the ground, she pulls a neck pillow out and stuffs it at the right place. After that she pulls out her laptop, putting it on her lap. 

"I like your t-shirt," mumbles Hoseok when Yoongi is about to leave class but she just ignores him.

 

-

 

It goes on when the sun shines way to bright for a Monday morning, tickling his nose just with enough force to wake him up.

He stretches, yawns, turns to the side and looks at the screen of his phone. 7:50 am.  
He doesn't want to get up, but he knows that he has to. Yoongi takes a shower before standing in front of the mirror, feeling more like a boy then he did the last week. He went as a girl to college for a few weeks so it isn't that much of a surprise that he feels like a boy today.  
His hands style his hair without himself thinking about it, his fingers scratch just the right spot on the top between the mess that he calls hair, that makes him groan in satisfaction.  
Another glance towards the clock.

8:00 am.  
His first class starts at 10.  
Yoongi makes a decision. With that his bathrobe falls and he takes a seat on the toilet while massaging conditioner into his hair and lube onto his hardening penis at the same time.

 

-

 

Yoongi is late, not so late that the guy at the huge wooden door doesn't let him in but late enough that everyone watches him while he takes his seat in the front row.

"Excuse me but right there usually sits a young, grumpy lady that tends to through daggers with her gaze, she would probably also through them like literally but law and stuff you know? Whatever, save yourself and get another seat, buddy."

Yoongi looks at the guy he met on that Thursday morning, Hoseok, he learned his name after he shouted who the hell he thinks he is after Hoseok stole a few pencils from him. Hoseok, Jung Hoseok was his answer.  
Then he understands.  
And his face drops.  
Hoseok doesn't know who he is, Hoseok doesn't know that he is her, that she is him. 

He doesn't know.

And suddenly Yoongi doesn't want him to know.

For the first time in his life he wants to have a person staying more than expressing himself properly.

So he lies. And it hurts.  
"Well, I'm the brother of the young lady you're talking about so don't you think that you can just hit on her, did I make this clear?"

For a few moments Yoongi believes himself until he realizes that he actually very much wants the guy to hit on him. Of course he would never admit this out loud but something in the way that Hoseok always smiled uncertain, always complimented his, her asshole attitude made him want to actually get to know him.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry dude! I didn't mean it negative though. I like grumpy bears, reminds me of Kumamon."  
"YAH!" Yoongi screams so loud that the professor turns towards the class for a second before adjusting his glasses and going on with his presentation. Of course Yoongi tries to cover his reaction up, some good excuse coming to his mind.

"You brat! That's how you talk about a lady? Comparing her with a black bear?" Although Yoongi's heart was picking up on speed when he said that. His favorite cartoon character was always Kumamon and still is.  
"Actually it was a really realistic comparison. I mean I'm equally adoring Kumamon and spending my time being scared of it, same for your sister, no offense?"

That questioning mark in his voice makes Yoongi soft.  
"No offense taken."  
"Could you give me her number?"  
"If you want to get to know her work for it, asshole."  
Hoseok gulps. Maybe Yoongi went to far. He's actually about to apologize when Hoseok nods.

"Right, gonna do this on my own."  
Yoongi looses himself for a brief second in the star dust flying in Hoseok's golden iris.

-

Yoongi comes to school dressed up as a girl more often. His friends are confused, he tells them about Hoseok, then they aren't confused anymore.

 

-

 

It is a lazy Sunday afternoon, he's laying sprawled out on his bed together with one of his closest friends, the one and only Kim Namjoon.

"But what if he's an intolerant asshole? You said you would never crush on someone intolerant," he says, again, it's the tenth time now, Yoongi counted.

"Don't be an annoying shit, I never said that I was crushing on him-"

"Well, but it's obvious."

"Well, shut your mouth in front of your elders and show some respect."

"Vandana Shiva once said: If laws are made to take the freedom from people than the only way to stay free is to break these laws."

"That didn't sound as smooth as you wish it did," Yoongi points out.

"Well I translated it from German to English and my German is shit but still better than the language that you use for conversation."

Yoongi's mouth falls open.

"1 for Namjoon 0 for Yoongi," a high pitched voice points out. After that there are two boys who barely make their way into the room because they are way to touchy, so that they fall because of their own feet standing in their way. Jimin and Jungkook basically the reason why Yoongi throws up from cheesiness from time to time.

"Give me food or get out of here, seriously." Jimin clicks his tongue Jungkook even has the nerve to hit Yoongi on the thigh for being so rude to his boyfriend but then he runs cause an angry Yoongi is a very scary Yoongi. And also a cute Yoongi, but if he would say that out loud he would be dead.

Jimin laughs at the action and sets the food down on Yoongi's table.  
"Come on, let's eat."  
Yoongi gets up annoyed but when they tell him that the food is from Seokjin he shuts up quickly.

"Fuck why didn't she open a restaurant already?" he asks Namjoon, the boyfriend of Yoongi's trans Noona. 

His Noona was probably another reason why nobody judged him when he came out as gender fluid. Seokjin outed herself long before Yoongi. She didn't make it a big thing though. When she became comfortable enough she just started dressing the way she wanted, wearing all the skirts and wigs she liked and shaving her leg hair.

Namjoon was furious at that time.  
He didn't ask in the beginning when Seokjin came to one of their dates with a skirt and a wig because he never believed in gender roles and if a guy wanted to dress in a skirt then he led him be but one day he actually realized that Seokjin was taking hormones.  
Actually he only noticed because Seokjin said: "Have you seen my hormone pills, babe?"  
Back then Namjoon had looked up, his eyes went off to his friends who didn't seem to mind the words out of Seokjin's mouth. So Namjoon stood up quietly, took Seokjin's wrist and pulled him into his bedroom.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked, his fist tightly clenched beside him.  
"What do you mean?" Seokjin asked confusedly.  
"That you are trans!"  
Seokjin looked at him, than Namjoon recognized the change in her face. A sad frown stood upon her pretty face, her mouth curving downwards.  
"I thought it was obvious. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you."  
"Well, you should have!" Namjoon said. His voice getting dangerously silent. He didn't know where it would lead though.  
"I'm sorry. We can break up if you don't like who I am."  
"What the fuck no!" Namjoon screamed. "I didn't want this conversation to lead to this point oh my god!" He led his head fall into his hands. Seokjin just stood there, stunned. "Uhm... what did you wanted to have it led to them?"  
Namjoon looked up through his palms, only realizing now how near his own face was his Noona's.  
"That I was a fucking asshole and called you the wrong pronouns? That I didn't notice earlier? Gosh I'm such a bad boyfriend please forgive me Noona."  
Seokjin was surprised. Never did anyone be so positive about her being trans.

Yoongi smiled at that memory. Yeah, Seokjin is one of the nicest girls that Yoongi knows. One would wonder why Seokjin gave them food when they could cook on their own. To tell the truth Yoongi didn't even know himself but he knows that he likes her food so he really doesn't care.  
"Well, she didn't get allowance from her parents."  
"That sucks."  
Namjoon nods. "Yeah, that sucks."

 

-

It all goes on when the sun shines way to bright for a Thursday morning, tickling Yoongi's nose with just enough force to wake him up.

Yoongi expresses as boy today but he dresses like a girl. Because he just wants to. So he pulls a hoodie out and pulls it over his head, also putting a skirt on.

It looks nice and he doesn't think of Hoseok in exact that moment.  
When he goes into class he does think of him though - because he sits where he always sits. Right beside Yoongi's seat.

It's not bad in the beginning because they don't talk much, they don't talk much anyways... actually Hoseok just talks all the time and Yoongi sits beside him insulting him rather so often, but actually he enjoys the conversation.  
So when he sits down and Hoseok starts talking again he doesn't mind, he likes it.  
"You look absolutely stunning today, Noona," Hoseok mentions as if it's nothing important, but for Yoongi it is.

She.  
He isn't a she.  
Not at the moment.

"I'm a boy, you fucking asshole," he blurts, not minding impoliteness.  
Hoseok looks at him, then his eyes grow wide, then Yoongi's eyes grow wide. Then Yoongi notices. He just told Hoseok, indirectly, but he told him that he lied all along, that he wasn't a girl, that he didn't have a brother, a brother didn't exist, it was him all along.

He gets up just when the professor comes in. His laptop and neck pillow are hastily stuffed into his backpack, his gaze never meeting Hoseok's when he got up.

"Yoongi, wait-"  
He doesn't let Hoseok speak. He gets up, stumbling over his own feet, his skirt swaying prettily as he falls to the ground.  
A hand helps him up, Yoongi looks. Their gazes meet.

Then he's out of the room.  
His heart beating to fast, his cheeks burning too hot, his eyes growing too wide, his fist clenching too tight.

 

-

 

They exchanged numbers some time ago, it were weeks, or maybe even a month but now Yoongi's scared, because Hoseok tries to call him.

He declines the call and let's himself fall into the mattress. There's is nothing he can do. His hair feels annoyingly greasy when he gets into a sitting position, his hands clutched into the fluffy blankets.  
Yes, blankets, he has many of them because he just loves blankets.

His hands are in his hair in no matter of time, clenching and unclenching his fist and shaking his head furiously.

There's a call coming in, but he doesn't mind it. There are soft padded steps on the floor when he stumbles to his mixing desk in the other room of the apartment, his mini studio.  
It has barely space. Just enough for a microphone, the mixing desk, sound proof walls (that Yoongi still had to pay monthly) and Yoongi fumbling his way to the small stool. 

His hands are long, perfect to hold a mic but he doesn't, not today.  
Instead his hands go to the mixing desk, letting the last music he produced slide through speakers.

The room fills up with his ow voice. 

Ironic, sarcastic... strong.

Things he didn't say about himself one year ago when he practically begged to get into this apartment although having no job. Now he got a job, late night Pizza Hut shifts payed him off well enough to eat at least once a day and even if food wasn't there he could at least afford a coffee everyday. 

His voice filled with anger hitting the walls strongly bouncing right off and into Yoongi's ears, making him groan in satisfaction.  
This was good.  
This was not basic, hipster, mainstream, this was good rap, good ol' rap.

Yoongi got down, seated himself on the chair, pulling his feet onto it and laying his chin onto his knees. He gets headphones of the mixing desk puts them up and then he's gone.  
Gone into the world of music,

 

Gone into his only happiness.

 

Suddenly something rings and it's not his phone, he wouldn't pick that up, it's his door.

He gets up, stumbles out of the room and to his door. His eyes glide over the spy hole. He wasn't dumb, he wouldn't open the door to just anyone, so he's rather surprised when he sees the small figure of a good friend in front of his apartment.  
A really small friend.

 

"Jimin?"

The small boy jolts. He looks up, his eyes on the spy hole.  
"You're in there hyung? Can we talk?"

Jimin sounds weak and Jimin never sounds weak. There's a bad feeling as Yoongi swallows and opens the door. His heart clenches when he sees Jimin weakly smiling, his head hanging lowly and his fist fumbling with his hemline.  
His eyes slowly take Yoongi's figure in, the brown orbs do not turn into moon crescent as he smiles, they do not light when he smiles.

"Nice skirt," Jimin says. His voice is soft, the thickness of his voice making Yoongi swallow but he doesn't ask.  
"Pronouns?" he just asks easily. He's still the same, still the polite boy he always was, asking for Yoongi's pronouns today even although he's obviously feeling like shit.  
"He, him," Yoongi answers his voice unsteady. He didn't see Jimin this weak in a long time, he can't remember seeing Jimin this weak ever. Jimin just isn't weak and he never was. Yoongi feels the panic rising up, closing bis throat, he takes Jimin's wrist in panic the younger boy just glanced up at him, a weak smile playing on his lips.

 

Yoongi feels as if his breath is cut, bis throat is sore and his eyes sting.  
He pulls Jimin into his studio, his fingers fumbling with the mouse. Suddenly his voice blows out of the speakers, enlightening his whole body. He breaths, finally. 

Jimin sits on the floor, like he did this often. Jimin always was the first to judge his music telling him how he sounded, if his voice worked with the music or not. All the time Yoongi spend in the stuffy room and finished a song Jimin was there listening intensely, playing away on stupid apps on his phone or texting with Jungkook until Yoongi told him he could listen. Most of the time Jimin changed positions every few minutes but he always ended up with his legs pulled close to his chest, his chin laying on his knees and his back against Yoongi's chair. 

There is no exception for today. Jimin changes his position a few times, ending up with his legs drawn close to his chest, his chin resting onto them. But he doesn't type away today. His arms are slung around his legs and there are rather quiet sobs escaping his body.

When the song ends and another one is about to start Yoongi turns the volume down. He can't turn it off completely because he would near a panic attack again, but he can make it so low that Jimin and he himself can understand each other if they are whispering.

 

"What happened?" It's Yoongi who speaks up first for the surprise of both of them. He never spoke a lot, feeling like he would say the wrong thing all the time.  
"I… I think I… I just ended my relationship with Jungkook."

Yoongi blinks.  
He blinks again.  
Then he shakes his head.

"You did not."  
"I did," Jimin chuckles sadly.  
Yoongi shakes his head in disbelief.  
Not Jimin and Jungkook, not the couple. Not the couple he always made him choke on rainbows and cheesiness.

"What exactly happened?" he asked.  
Jimin looks at him with teary eyes.  
"I told him that I'm bisexual."  
Yoongi blinks, twice.  
"He didn't break up with you because of that. He wouldn't do that."  
"Well… he said that if I'm bisexual and I tell him that I'm just telling him that because I'm not interested in him anymore or more interested in girls."  
"Well, that's bullshit."  
Jimin nodded.

"But why did you break up with him?"  
"Well I didn't. I just told him that I'm still interested in him and that I still like him and that I was bisexual before him all along but… he just... he went like: I don't believe you and I know that you cheated on me I saw you with that brown haired guy and I was like: who the fuck is the brown haired guy? And even if there was a guy that would be a guy like him so why did he think that I was more interested in girls than him now? But he just went on about how I was so close with him and how he knows that we fuck and he told me that I should leave when I tried to deny it because it isn't the truth I tried to deny it! But he said it is and I should leave and…"  
A light son is heard. Yoongi freezes. Jimin never cries except for the times that his loved ones are hurt. Jimin never cries because he's hurt, he grits his teeth and goes on.

Fuck, this is bad.

 

"You should calm down today," Yoongi says with a limp in his throat. "He'll probably do that right now as well." Yoongi doesn't know what to say while Jimin quietly sobs. "It'll be okay. You'll be alright."  
He sights and crouches down beside Jimin and got hold of his shoulders. "You too, Hyung?"

Yoongi looks at Jimin in confusion.  
"I know it hyung. I know something happened at it'll be alright, trust me."

-

 

A few days later Yoongi gets a call.

He picks up without looking at the number because he's currently to nervous to think about phone calls. Yoongi's foot touches a stage, the stairs to a stage. He's backstage right now and he's breathing to fast and the person on the other side of the phone hears it.

"Yoongi?"

He blinks.  
It's a recognizable voice.  
Yoongi doesn't answer, his heart clenches. Then it beats even faster then it did before and it already bet fast, trust him.

"Yoongi can you breather for me? Slowly? Please Yoongi, come on I'll breath with you. Deep. In."

Yoongi takes a huge breath. 

"And out."

There's nervousness in the voice but Yoongi doesn't care, he listens to his advices.

But then he starts to panic again.

"No, don't panic, Yoongs, slow down. Sh, it's okay. Breathe again, okay?"

Yoongi breaths. 

"S-seok," it comes out breathy, unsteady. "Seok Seok."

"Oh my, Yoongi where are you? Are you safe?"

"Y-yeah."

There's a sight of relief coming from Hoseok. "Okay, so what's the matter?"

"I'm gonna perform now." Silence.  
"What?"

"I'm gonna perform now. I'm a rapper, Seok."

There's silence again. Yoongi breathes, in and out.

"That's cool."

"Yeah."

Silence.  
"Can you tell me where you're performing? I'm not gonna be there on time, but I'd like to pick you up."  
Yoongi nods to himself. He's kind of flushed and he doesn't know what he's doing but he's nodding and then he's speaking.

"Yeah. I'm... it's an underground rap club. Uhm... the neon green rice."

Hoseok tells him that he'll be there and pick him up at the end of the day. He smiles when Hoseok says bye but before he hangs up he calls Yoongi's name again.

"Hm," Yoongi says in acknowledgement of being called.

"You'll do great."

And then the line goes dead.

 

-

 

Yoongi feels the blood rushing through his veins when he's called up on stage. He runs up the stairs before his brain can kick in and tell him to run out of the exit.

There are more people than usually. Yoongi, although being socially awkward and having huge anxiety, talked to most of the people himself. He invited them and told them where the performance would be and now they are here.  
Around fifty people which mean hundred eyes, glancing up at the boy with the mint green hair.

The music starts and Yoongi goes off like some kind of bullet. He knows that he's not on a huge stage but that doesn't mean that he could do a shitty performance. He gives his everything, rapping with as much emotion as needed, trying to spare all the breath he has into his words, hitting all the right words on the beat, even performing a few dance moves that Jimin taught him.

It all goes fine and when he finishes with his last son's, his most current song, his most sad and personal song someone in the crowd starts clapping. And suddenly everyone is clapping. They are clapping loud and on beat and all at once and Yoongi feels like he's going to blow up with the feeling inside of him.  
He raps like there is nothing to loose. And with that he tells them about his anxiety, about his anxiety of people, he tells them about laying on a bathroom floor crying and he tells them how he couldn't afford anything just a year back. 

But now he's okay.

He raps his latest song.

The last.

 

-

When he goes backstage again he thinks that nobody probably noticed because the speakers were loud and because they were probably just enjoying the flow and not listening to the lyrics but then there is someone waiting backstage for him.

And that someone noticed the lyrics.

 

"You have social anxiety?" That was the first thing that Hoseok says. He doesn't say that Yoongi did great, he doesn't ask how he feels, he just asks him about hi feelings.

A strange feeling curls inside of Yoongi.

"I had. Well, have. Not really, it got better a lot..." He only notices that he's rambling when Hoseok puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from going on.

"Let's get you in the car," he simply says. There's a kind smile on Hoseok's lips. Yoongi follows him silently, smiling simply. There's still adrenaline lingering in his body and it makes him feel like he could charge up his phone with his fingers.

"So I actually called you to tell you that I don't put labels on people... you know because you wore that skirt the other day... I don't think that gender roles do any good so I wanted to say sorry for thinking that you were your sister. Of course you're still a girl even if you wear her clothes."

Yoongi thought that everything would be fine now but then, now he realizes that… that Hoseok still doesn't know.

"Seok-"  
"No, Yoongi, let me explain. I'm really sorry, okay? I also were dresses sometimes cause I just like them and let's be true having your penis hang around is just much comfier than having to put on trousers and squeezing it in there."  
Yoongi gulps.  
"Hoseok, I-"  
"No, Yoongi, so I just wanted to say that it's okay right? I understand."

Hoseok pulls around a corner, his hands gripping onto the wheel tightly. Well...

"I'm genderfluid," he prompts without trying to hide it anymore.

The car jumps when Hoseok stomps into the break in surprise. He turns to Hoongi, his face flushed to his hair, even his ears are red by now.  
"What?"  
"I said: I'm genderfluid."

Hoseok blinks. "Fuck. I'm... I'm sorry. Again. I didn't think of this option."  
Yoongi looks at him and grins. "Hoseok?"  
"Yeah?" The flushed boy starts the car again.  
"You know I have no sister, right? That that was me?"  
Hoseok flushes even more although that shouldn't be possible.  
"I kind of guessed right now."

 

Hoseok let's him down at his apartment and they separate with a smile tugged to their faces. Yoongi's door falls shut and he turns on his heel a happy smile on his face while he runs straight for his shower. He must smell like shit.  
He must smell like panic attack, stage and smoke. 

Little did Yoongi know that he really smelled like shit but Hoseok didn't mind, he could get used to it.

 

-

 

Hoseok comes over a few times. Yoongi learns things about him. Yoongi learns that Hoseok doesn't like to drink, that he smells like sun and gives the best hugs. Hoseok is all warm smiles, short books, huge glasses on a long nose and ruffled hair after dance practice and a lazy shower.

Today he learns another thing about Hoseok. He likes parties. He likes clubs. He's all swaying hips and smiles. His laughs are neon pink, their hands are intertwined. They are having fun, nothing serious. Yoongi would have just sit at the bar of the club but Hoseok had nothing of that. He pulled him to the dance floor and now they are dancing and they are having fun.

Hoseok is jumping around wildly and Yoongi knows that he just does it out of fun and because he wants to and also because he can cover up Yoongi's bad dance moves with it.

Yoongi has fun. Hoseok laughs when suddenly Yoongi pulls him close, his dress swaying around his hips.

"I feel like a she," he screams over the music. Hoseok looks at him as if he doesn't understand but then there's a smile on his lips and he grins.  
"So it's she now," he whispers leaning very, very close to Yoongi's ear.

After that they are dancing again. Hoseok doesn't seem to mind Yoongi's expression now and Yoongi really likes that.

"Be a gentleman and buy me a drink," Yoongi grins, her eyes having that special glint to them that means teasing but Hoseok doesn't say anything against it.  
"Okay, lady neon green," he smiles at her and takes her hand into his.

-

They walk into the late night at 2pm. Yoongi runs and twirls around his dress flying so high it almost gives view onto her underwear. She just laughs and presses it down. Then she puts on her jeans jacket, grinning at Hoseok who's behind her back.

"Let's go to your house," he suggests. 

Hoseok doesn't come inside of Yoongi's house he just let's her off at her door and then goes to his own house.

Something about the way that Yoongi smiled at him back in the dance club, so bright her gums were showing, something about that made his stomach tickle.

 

-

 

The same night Yoongi gets a phone call. She wakes up and gets the annoying thing in her hand before answering the call.

"You annoying piece of shit why are you calling me," she hisses before even thinking about what she's saying.

"I'm straight."

Yoongi is startled by that. For a moment she doesn't know who's on the other side of the phone, so she checks and it's Hoseok.

"Well that's great for you. I'm not, I'm pan. Now let's go to bed and make a rule that you'll never disturb my sleep again."  
"Yoongi, no, I-"  
"What?"

There's a weird sound coming from Hoseok. Something that sounds like he choked on air and is sobbing at the same time, something nerve wrecking. "Just... nothing. Go back to sleep."

Yoongi wants to say something but the line's already dead so he just shrugs. 

-

Jimin makes things up with Jungkook and seriously Jungkook is an idiot.

Jimin comes into Yoongi's studio the day after the weird phone call.

"We made up," is all he says.  
Yoongi looks at him, eyebrows raised.  
"I mean Jungkook and I. I got a call the same day I talked to you. He cried. Imagine Guk crying."

Yoongi laughs and Jimin hits him. "Don't laugh at it!" He basically screams.  
"It was very emotional, okay?"  
Yoongi laughs again. "It was so obvious that he can't truly separate from you. Tell me what he said to get you back."

"I..." Jimin bites his lips and shakes his head smiling. "He said that he can't live without me, that he just tried to cook meal and noticed he can't do shit on his own but that he didn't want me cause I'd do everything for him but because I was the best thing that ever happened and then he began to count all the things he loved about me." Jimin smiles. Yoongi thinks he's whipped, no, he knows it.  
"Tell me what he said," Yoongi says, laying back.  
"What? But it's cheesy and you always joke on cheesiness."

Yoongi laughs.  
"Tell me anyways."

-

A few days back:

Jungkook panicked when he didn't hear Jimin answer his confession. He had to do better, he had to convince Jimin to stay with him.

He had the phone on his head phones pacing around nervously.

"I love you, Jimin. I don't say it often enough. Of course I love that you cook for me but not only that and all the other things you do for me, I love you in general. I love how kind you are, I love how beautiful you are, although I would still love you if you'd be fat and old. I love that your eyes turn into crescent of moons when you smile, I love you chubby cheeks and the way your hands fit into mine and your whole body fits into mine. Fuck, I even love how you fuck me so good I get oversensitive every time!"

Jimin blushed on the other side of the phone.

"I love that you always try to get better, that you always get better, that you always learn and study and that you always push myself to be better. I love how you teach me dance moves and how you love cheesy things and I love that you have all the words that I don't have and I love the way you hold me late at night when I think about how we're struggling and how I'm a burden to you. I love that you make me feel good, I want to make you feel good too.... and I don't want you to be with anyone else, I never wanted that but that's why I was so scared of the fact that you're bisexual. Also I saw that guy with you, that brown haired guy and I just panicked when you told me because I thought that he's stealing you from me although I know that he doesn't and even if he does you would not be cheating on me but telling me and breaking up with me because you're so kind I love you so please hyung I can't live without you, don't be so mad at me."

Jungkook was rambling. And it wasn't that type of rambling that could be put down, because Jimin really tried to calm him down and let him speak but Jungkook didn't let that happen. He spoke until his breath couldn't do any more words and then there was a loud sound and Jungkook heaved.

"Guk, are you ok-"

"I love you, shit. I love you so much. Please don't leave me."  
Jungkook didn't let him speak, again.  
"I was such an asshole. It's okay that you are bisexual wtf of course it's okay, I shouldn't even be surprised, I'm just kinda scared I guess, duck."

"LET ME SPEAK GOD DAMNIT."  
Jungkook sucked in a long breath which Jimin took as his cue to speak.  
"Well, I think that you still have to grovel because you did really shitty, but... I forgive you, and I... I still love you."

"You...you will stay with me then?" Jungkook was on his feet, his jacket already on and he was about to put shoes on when Jimin spoke.  
"Yes, but there will be no touches until I decide that you groveled enough."

-

"Ha, that sucker, are touches allowed now?" Yoongi asks.  
"Well, no." Jimin laughs at Yoongi's face. "It's only been a few weeks, I guess I just want to take it to at least a month."  
"I'm surprised that you can even stand touching him." Jimin grinned brightly his eyes turning into half moons.  
"So do I."

-

 

There's a familiar face in front of Seokjin's door. She grunts and opens it, laughing at Hoseok's scrunched up face.

"Don't laugh or I'm gonna hit you."

"Fuck you, show respect to your elders."

"You fucker.... I mean Noona," he says laughing.  
"Awww," Seokjin responds cutely. "Say something like that again and I'm gonna throw you out, you trash."  
They both laugh and Hoseok falls onto the couch. 

"Well, what's the matter. You didn't come over for what felt like years."  
"Ah nothing, I'm… you know that Im straight?"

"Yeah." 

"I'm straight," he repeats. 

Seokjin realizes that there's a questioning tone to his voice, she smiles lightly.

"Well, you know that I know because you said that… but you know… you don't have to be. Just because you told everyone, you don't have to be," Seokjin says.  
Hoseok looks at her in a way that shows concern and anxiety.  
Scared of his sexuality.  
Seokjin would have never thought of Hoseok looking at her this way.

 

"What's the problem?"

"There's this girl..."

Seokjin nods, nothing surprising this far.

"But there's also this guy..."

She looks up.

"You like both of them?"

Hoseok waits a second before he answers, his fists are tightly clenched by his sides when he sighs. Then his fist unclench as if someone took of a huge weight on his shoulders.  
"Yeah."  
Seokjin nods at him. She bites her lip not daring to ask the question. Then she notices that there's no point in avoiding the question because she would avoid helping Hoseok with that and she doesn't want that. They are to close for her to hurt him on purpose.

"Are you polyamorous?" Seokjin asks softly, her hand caressing Hoseok's thigh.  
"Wait, what? No! The girl and the guy are the same person, hy- noona."  
Seokjin hits him for almost calling her the wrong pronouns. It's not serious of course, she just makes her point and Hoseok knows it.

"So the person is genderfluid?"  
"At least I think he is. She. What do I even call him when he's not there?"

Seokjin tries not to laugh. It's always cute to see people realize that they aren't as straight as they thought they were.  
"Hoseok-ah… just ask the person. Some genderfluid people don't mind pronouns at all, some want to be called 'they' if not there because it's neutral. Ask them, really."  
"I know that they mind about pronouns though. I called him girl one time when he felt like he and he instantly called me asshole and stormed off."

"That sounds much like one of my closest friends," Seokjin chuckles. Her hand covers her teeth while doing so.

"Yeah." Hoseok just nods.  
"So… you're into a genderfluid person?"  
"I… I don't know. I admire him. He's proud and open, he is loud yawns in class and sleeping like an embryo while she is large coffees, a neck pillow and smiles that show her gum."

There's silence.  
"Hoseok… you are aware that a genderfluid person can be fluid between more than two genders?"  
Hoseok looks at her and shakes his head. "Aish I didn't know that, I probably pissed him off again."  
"And you're aware that they not change their gender identity like every day or week… I mean I know a person who wakes up and thinks today I'm a girl but their gender identity changes through the day. They just voice it when they feel like another gender though."

Hoseok smiles.  
"Yoongi is nice…" he says. "Wait, what?"  
Hoseok looks up. "The guy, girl and other genders is nice. Yoongi is nice."  
Seokjin swallows.  
This couldn't be.  
"Do you happen to know the last name of that Yoongi?"  
Hoseok's smile falls. "I'm not one hundred percent sure. I think it was Man or Mi or maybe even Kim."

So it is probably not the same Yoongi. But how many genderfluid persons called Yoongi live in the same area?  
"Oh..." Seokjin chuckles. "I just thought that we were talking about the same Yoongi. It's Min Yoongi."

Their eyes meet, Hoseok's mouth falls.  
"That's it."  
"What?"  
Hoseok smiles, just a little bit. His hands neatly folded.  
"The last name. It's Min. Min Yoongi."

Seokjin stares at him and Hoseok stares back, then they both break into laugher. 

"So you're into Yoongi?"  
Hoseok shakes his head again. "No, like I said I'm not sure. I don't want to, I think. I really don't know."

"You're so dumb," Seokjin chuckles. When Hoseok looks at her she sees the hurt in his eyes and she immediately regrets what she said. She gives him a reassuring squeeze, a silent apology, of his shoulder.  
"I just mean that you can't suppress liking someone. You're attracted to the person, Hoseok, not to the gender, and don't you ever forget that!"

Hoseok smiles. His smiles where always warm, the sun and the moon meeting when he breaks his lips into a smile. His cheeks going all the way up to push his eyes lightly together, creating little laughing marks at his eyes.  
"That was beautiful."  
"Yeah... and cheesy, so don't you ever mention this to my boyfriend or he'll let out all those romantic poems again, which I don't understand," Seokjin laughs.  
Hoseok turns to his right, furrowing his eyebrows.

"He does it anyways, right?" he asks grinning.  
"Oh, yeah, yeah he does."

 

-

 

Someone's calling.  
Hoseok's calling.

"Yeah," he says as he answers the call.  
"I'm straight."  
"Great, I'm not. Like I said. You're repeating yourself," Yoongi answers. He knows that Hoseok is on the other side of the call but he doesn't mind.

There's silence, some shuffling and Yoongi stands up. Shuffling always makes him nervous, makes him pace around.  
"Are you… okay?" he asks.  
"Yeah," Hoseok answers but there's still some shuffling sounds coming from him.  
"Do you… do you have time to meet up?"  
Yoongi swallows. Hoseok scares him with his shuffling, with his unsteady thought.  
But he nods anyways and then talks because he notices that Hoseok won't hear him.  
"Yeah."

 

-

 

Hoseok is at his apartment. It's the first time for both of them. Yoongi slept at Hoseok's apartment a few times by now and they usually met up to go to clubs or parties or just to study but they never met at Yoongi's… until now.

"Hey," Yoongi mumbles, while opening the door wider.  
"Hey," Hoseok answers. He doesn't give Yoongi his bright smile like he usually does and he doesn't hug him like he usually does.

It scares Yoongi.

"What's up?"  
Hoseok kicks off his shoes and pushes them to the side. There's a long sigh escaping his lips, his fingers curl around his hemline.

"Could we sit?" he asks, not answering the question. Yoongi learned, Hoseok isn't the straightforward guy, never was, but he also never was silent about his feelings.

"Of course. It's really small, so don't say anything when you bump into something but yeah, whatever?"  
Hoseok laughs at him and tells him to lead the way to his couch. Yoongi just goes to his bed cause he does not have something like a couch but Hoseok doesn't mention it.

"I…" Hoseok stops. "No, I can't do this while sitting."  
He gets up and begins to dance, dance really weirdly so that Yoongi just has to laugh. He moves his body in funny curves and then turns and then he kneels in front of Yoongi.

Hoseok's smile is really insecure. Really insecure.

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"What the fuck, no?" Yoongi blurts. That was harsh, to harsh. Hoseok has a hand tightly pressed over his heart, he doesn't notice, but Yoongi does. Yoongi also notices the tight swallow and the short gasp before Hoseok speaks.  
"What did I do?"  
Yoongi sees the signs of anger in Hoseok's gestures, hears it in his voice but no matter what he says he knows that Hoseok won't let it out. He never lets his anger take over.

"You're straight. I'm not dating straight boys, they always end up forcing me to stay a girl which does not make sense cause it's not as if I could decide what I feel like and I'm not gonna act as if I could." A little sigh forms on his lips, escapes without himself noticing.  
"Not again."

Hoseok looks up at him, then he's suddenly on his feet pushing Yoongi backwards onto the couch.  
It would be an understatement to say that Yoongi is scared. His heart is beating to fast, his palms are suddenly sweating, he's gulping. He sees the anger in Hoseok's eyes, the anger when he climbs on top of him and he's totally ready to fight him.  
He's done it before, fighting stronger men and running away.

He can do it again.

Yoongi kicks Hoseok's shin when he lifts his leg from the ground.  
And Hoseok's suddenly on the floor, crying in pain.  
"What the fuck, Yoongi?" he screams. "I wanted to hug you and you just kick me?"  
Yoongi blinks.  
Once.  
Twice.

"Wait, what?"  
"I said I wanted to hug you, you small-cute-dumbfuck I hate you," Hoseok hisses through clenched teeth. It really seems to hurt.

"But why the heck should you hug me? You looked like those old creepy man that want to stick their penis up one's ass."  
For a second Hoseok stops complaining and moaning in frustration over his kicked shin. Instead he looks up at Yoongi and then begins laughing.  
"I looked like a freaking pedophile? Great. Just great. There I come and try to convince someone to be with me through hugging them and then that special one just tells me that he thought I'm gonna rape him. Great."

Yoongi chuckles lightly and gets to the floor.  
"I'm sorry, Seok Seok."  
"Fuck you."  
"No, I'm seriously sorry."  
Hoseok brushes it off with a vague hand motion. This is great, Yoongi really means it, this is great. He never just brushed things off when it came to other people, they always made a huge thing of everything... this is nice.

"Okay, but like the Plan was to hug you and tell you how much I want to be with you and that I won't oppress you, and then I counted on you saying that you actually like me and want to be with me."  
Yoongi hits Hoseok's chest lightly.  
"That would never happen you dumbfuck. I'm still at the point of you convincing everyone that you're straight, you're totally not ready to be with a genderfluid person like me. You probably don't even know which pronouns I want when you're talking about me."

"They and them!" Hoseok says as if his life depends on it.  
Yoongi is surprised. "How do you know that?" The other chuckles.  
"Let's say I figured it out," he responds while getting of the floor.

"You did shit. Who told you?"  
Yoongi looks at Hoseok getting up and brushing of his clothes, laughing at the inside cause there's a wet patch on Hoseok's pants. How did there even get a wet patch?

"I had a conversation with Seokjin. It was really confusing then we figured out that I was talking about you and she was too and then we started laughing and she told me some stuff about you."  
"Wait… you were talking about me?"  
Hoseok laughs. "Yeah, kinda."  
"About what?"  
"The same thing I asked you just now. Will you date me?"

Yoongi closes his eyes and breathes. He doesn't want this, he doesn't want to be used, again.

"No, Hoseok, I won't be your experiment," he says while opening his eyes.  
"I won't be the one you'll experiment with your sexuality on, I won't."  
Hoseok shoots him a glare.  
"I wouldn't do that to you. We know each other since a few months. I figured out that I like you! I want to be with you, I don't want to hurt you."  
Yoongi bites his lip. He doesn't want to really reject Hoseok, he has feelings for the guy, yes, but he doesn't want to be an experiment. He has to make a plan, something that will prevent him and Hoseok from getting hurt, from hurting each other.

"Hoseok… I like you…"  
"Then be with me!" Hoseok interrupts. "Come on, let me love you!" he practically begs. Yoongi has to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. Why was he so funny?

"We… show me," Yoongi says confidently. "Show me that you really want this, that this isn't just a one time thing for you. Maybe… maybe we can be together then."

Hoseok immediately approaches him and pulls him into a hug.  
"Thank you hyung. Thank you for this chance. Thank you for giving us a chance."

With that he's gone.

 

Yoongi notices a wet spot on the floor later on.  
It's a leaking water bottle.


	2. In the blur of the stars

And trying he does.

It continues when the sun shines way to bright for a Friday evening. Yes, evening. It’s still summer, more like late summer, but the sun doesn’t seem to know that.

There’s someone at Yoongi’s door, but Yoongi doesn’t know that... because Yoongi is not there.  
He’s working his late shift at Pizza Hut. That someone on his door does not care that much though. He slides down Yoongi’s door, yawns and pulls the present near his torso. 

-

“Yoongs, don’t work tonight, I’ll take over for you.”  
“Don’t even try to get my money, I seriously need it this time, kiddo.”  
His co-worker aka Kim Taehyung grins up to him.  
“You’ll get it anyways, I promise. I just saw your eye shadows getting bigger and I don’t want them to swallow you as a whole so I decided to pull an all-nighter alone. Now fuck off.” 

There is no bite to Kim Taehyung’s voice. There couldn’t be a bite to his voice because Taehyung is about as nice and good as it can get.

“Thanks kiddo, but I can’t do that. I work for my money.”  
Taehyung shuffles over to put another tablet full of pizza into the oven. 

“I get that, but you know I want you to rest so..” he pushes Yoongi towards the door of the small fast food place “go.”  
Yoongi turns his head and grins up to Taehyung.   
“Thanks kiddo, don’t overwork yourself though.”   
They hug. Yoongi usually doesn’t hug people, but he did hug Taehyung because Taehyung was Taehyung and Taehyung was great.

Yoongi doesn’t know that Taehyung wanted him to go because he needs time for himself. He doesn’t know that Taehyung has no time to breathe because school and work are kicking his ass and his parents cut his money off because photography is not “a serious major” and throughout all of that he somehow found the time to fall in love with the hottest couple in his school.   
So he seriously needs time for himself to think, think a whole lot.

It’s not that Yoongi would disturb him, he isn’t even a person that talks that much to beginn with, but Taehyung doesn’t want him to try and help because he knows that Yoongi has problems himself and he knows that Yoongi isn’t the best with love so there’s no point in letting him help.

-

 

When Yoongi arrives in front of his door there’s a sleeping bundle. He isn’t really scared, but a cold shiver is making it’s way down his back telling him to stay careful and not touch that bundle in any way.

His apartment is not in a good place of the city in this part of the city one tries to keep away from strangers. 

But suddenly the stranger awakes. And they grunt his name.  
“Yoongi?” A voice cracks around the syllables. “You’re back.”  
Then they sit up and their bucket head falls down. It’s Hoseok.  
Oh stupid Hoseok.

“What are you doing on the floor you idiot? You know in which part of the city you’re in? There could be a freaking HIV virus like in every particle of dust!”  
A confused look lays on Hoseok’s features, he yawns and shakes his head before he stands up.

“I came over to spend the night with you. I don’t know if you remember, doesn’t seem like you did by the way, but we planned to have a movie night tonight.”  
“Seok...”  
“Yeah, no, I know it’s creepy to come over I should’ve just understood that you rejected me with not coming over, but... I like you really much and I couldn’t-“  
“I forgot I’m sorry!” Yoongi interrupted.  
He folds his hands in front of his belly while trying to think of an apology. 

“I had to work, but now Taehyung took over my shift and now I’m here but... I’m sorry.”  
That seems to lighten Hoseok’s mood up. Just knowing that Yoongi did not reject him on purpose keeps a smile on his face. He shyly looks down at his own hands, fold like Yoongi’s right in front of his belly. Then his eyes shoot up again and he places his hands on Yoongi’s.

“You know what? It’s still night, right? What is it 1pm? How about we just do the movie night now?”  
Yoongi pulls up an eyebrow.  
“I mean if you’re exhausted I get it and if you want to reject me do it, but I’d really like to show you my favorite movie, I even took it with me.”  
“Seok… my apartment is a mess and it’s tiny and my TV is shit, but…” he trails off, his gaze going down the floor and opening the door to his studio in his head. Hoseok’s voice is melodious, maybe he could...  
“Maybe we can... just listen to some music?”

That makes Hoseok slump down for a second.  
“You… Your music?” he asks. His eyes shine like small gems, a smile growing on his face, pulling up the corners of his mouth.  
“Yeah... if you want to.”

-

Hoseok isn’t like Jimin when they’re in his studio and Yoongi isn’t used to anybody in his studio that isn’t Jimin.  
It’s awkward but not uncomfortable.

Hoseok wants Yoongi to play his music so Yoongi does, but Hoseok does not sit down to listen to music. The beats seem to electrify his body, to encourage him to move. So Hoseok dances.  
In the small space that is left between the computer, Yoongi’s seat the microphone and his speakers; Hoseok dances.

Amazement plays with Yoongi’s features. He doesn’t know if he should act on his fascination or the fear that Hoseok could hit and break something throughout dancing.  
So he just sits there, tense, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

Hoseok ends his dance with a spin and as he looks up his eyes find their way right into Yoongi’s heart, so he clutches at his shirt.  
Red hair sticks up in diverse directions, a faint smile is placed on thin lips. A glow seems to surround him, a glow out of happiness.

“Can we try something?” asks Yoongi without further thinking.  
In response Hoseok shrugs.   
“Depends,” he mumbles. The last month has worn upon Hoseok’s emotional expression. He isn’t so loud, obviously in the progress of trying to figure himself out.

“I’d like you to... to rap. But not like I rap. I want you to rap with your own emotions.. not my emotions. I... I got lyrics somewhere here-“  
Yoongi searches through a bunch of papers sitting on top of his desk before pulling one at the very bottom out.  
“Could you like...”  
Yoongi sighs. He can’t with words so he just starts the music and marks some lines on the paper.  
“Do this your own way?”

And Hoseok looks at him with sad eyes when he reads the lyrics and nods. He doesn’t bob his head or tap his foot like Jimin and Namjoon do. He just looks at the paper in his hand and then Yoongi counts him down. Three, two and one.

Suddenly there’s a new presence in the room. A presence that feels like someone is crying, like someone got hit so bad they can’t stand up. 

Hoseok is rapping but his voice is so very different from talking.  
If Yoongi is mostly controlled with a slice of anger then Hoseok is just emotions.  
Everything about Hoseok is emotions in exact this moment, as he raps and presses his mouth to the mic and moves his body always closer as if there was a way of him melting with the song, with the emotions.  
Before Hoseok finishes his part there’s a new voice. It startles him. He utters a small shit as another wave of sadness hit him through that other person’s voice.

“Who is that?” he whispers, but before his voice reaches Yoongi’s ears another voice is coming out of the speakers. Someone who suffered, it says in Hoseok’s brain. Someone who suffers right now.

Yoongi stops the song blushing.  
“I just... this was a project I started ages ago. I wanted to record all of my friends with the emotions they felt through my story, but I never got to finish it because I never found someone who suited the part that I just gave you.”  
Hoseok blinks.   
“Do I fit?”

And Yoongi looks up through his bangs, somehow he looks nostalgic. His eyes are a little bit teary when he glances to the side.

“Yes.”

-

Somehow Hoseok manages to get out of the apartment without crying or having a break down. Yoongi’s apartment is a place of emotions, but as the door opens and new air flows into the studio all of the tension seems to disappear.  
“I got something for you,” Hoseok says before he leaves.  
There’s a sound of jewelry and Yoongi wants to cry because jewelry is so cliche and he hates it.  
But when Yoongi sees it, he gets way to emotional.

“Those are bracelets with pronouns on them and... if you like you can wear them so people always know like... what they have to refer to you as.”  
Yoongi smiles.  
“Thanks.”  
They hug.

Yoongi does not hug everyone and he does not hug very often, but he hugs Hoseok because Hoseok is about as nice as it gets.

-

Struggling is normal for college students, but Jungkook does not want Jimin to struggle anyways. He does not want Jimin to be the only one paying for their apartment, so he goes and searches for a job. Another one because the one at the cafe does not pay more than he needs to get through college and pay for dinner once a week. But who pays for dinner the rest of the week? And who pays for food and going shopping?

Jimin. Jimin who worked in a bakery since he was 15 and saved all of his money for college. Who had to quit his job and find another one and found another one in a theme park and at a shelter for animals that is pretty famous. Jimin had some money, but most of it got lost through Jungkook. So yes, Jungkook feels kind of guilty and that makes him feel ugly and useless.

The first places he applied to did not even look at him, but now as he walks into the new place he has a good feeling.   
He is in Pizza Hut because Yoongi told him that they pay enough to live. Everything goes fine until that brown haired guy that spends so much time with Jimin walks in.

Jungkook tries to stay calm throughout the whole conversation with the manager of that place, but that brown haired guy totally did not.  
“Jungkook?”  
He flinches. Being noticed probably wasn’t the best thing that could have happened to him. The manager kindly tells him to come by tomorrow so that he could work his first shift while being supervised before going back into another room. And then he’s left alone with that guy.

“Are you going to work here soon?”   
Jungkook turns and catches a curious look on the guys face. He’s kind of pretty, his features remind Jungkook of a innocent child, the nice smile on his lips supporting that image.  
“Ugh, yeah. What’s your name by the way?”  
“I’m Taehyung, Jiminie’s friend? I thought that he talked about me, but it seems that I’m not important enough, well...”

 

Jungkook does not want Taehyung to feel that way, he does not want anyone to feel that way. 

“No, it’s not like that,” he assures kind of too fast.   
“We just had a fight cause he was spending so much time with you so I guess he did not want to bring that up again-“  
“You had a fight because of me?” Taehyung gasps. Jungkook cannot really tell what emotion he feels, but he just sounds so disappointed and genuinely hurt.  
But why would he be hurting?  
Because he didn’t want his best friend to fight, yeah that makes sense.

“We’re fine now. And I mean it’s not your fault. I mean I’m just the jealous type of boyfriend? Ugh I can’t-“  
“With words. I know, it’s fine,” Taehyung cuts in. Jungkook just raises an eyebrow. “You’re now ending my sentences?”  
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles and blushes. “Jimin just talks about you a lot. It feels like I already-“

But then Taehyung has to cut of because some annoying customer comes in and takes his attention.  
And somehow Jungkook does not want that. He wants Taehyung’s attention all on him, all for himself and it’s confusing.

Jungkook doesn’t see the customer leaving because he’s already out of the door. That’s why he doesn’t see the disappointed drops in Taehyung’s brown eyes either.

-

 

Hoseok asks him out on another date, but Yoongi declines because he has to study a shit ton of time for his exams.

 

So Hoseok makes another plan.

 

He begins when the sun shines way to bright for a Sunday morning. The sunbeams do not bring warmth anymore.

There’s a knock on Yoongi’s door that awakens him. His feet are slow on the floor, his body weights him down and just everything is exhausting.   
A day with depression, he acknowledges, but does not let it tear him apart even more. He straightens his back and looks through the spy eye in his door.

“Hoseok?” he calls out, confused.

The red head flinches harshly before he clutches his heart.

“Wow you scared me there,” he chuckles. His cheeks going up in the healthiest way.  
“I just heard that Sunday’s are typical days for people to feel depressive and like I’m not like assuming anything, but... you got anxiety and your song talked about depression so I kind of figured-“  
“Keep it short, gosh.”  
Yoongi opens the door with some more swear words falling from the top of his lips.  
“It’s way to early for this. Come fucking in and close the door.” 

Hoseok does as he’s told and with Hoseok a decent scent floods the room they’re standing in. A decent scent in this part of town? What a nice surprise.

Yoongi’s eyes eventually find the guilty pleasure that emits the scent. Hoseok got cake.  
“Why in hell do you have cake? Also why this early in the morning?”  
“Well... I had depressive days and a thing that got me up was eating something sweet and fresh so I thought why not make cake?”  
Yoongi grunts in acknowledgement. He can’t really thank Hoseok because he still struggles with even admitting that he has depression out loud, although it is already a fact for Hoseok.

“Hoseok... why.” He can’t. He cannot ask this question.  
“Why I’m here?” Hoseok guesses so carefully that his voice is almost a whisper. And Yoongi does not know why, but it almost makes him cry.  
“Y-yeah,” he mutters with a hurt laced voice still not sure why he is hurting so much.  
“Because I... I want to help you with the shittiest part of life. I don’t only want to know your good side. You know? We’re in a... I mean I want a relationship so it’s like the good and bad parts not only one of it. Same for... you know?”

And Yoongi does know. Same for his gender is what Hoseok is saying. He does not only want to experience one of them he wants to experience and love all of Yoongi’s genders.  
But Yoongi can’t believe that because Hoseok is still confused about his sexuality, he is straight, he’ll try to make him behave girly more often than he’s comfortable with, Yoongi’s sure of it. That’s what all the good guys did.

“You okay there?”   
He quickly opens his eyes and finds Hoseok sitting there with outstretched hands. It’s a calming pose, there’s a safe space between them. Hoseok is stretching his hands out to say that he’s there, but he’s not trying to actually touch.  
It helps a little bit.

“Yeah. Thanks.”  
Yoongi turns over and puts his shitty tv to work.   
“When I’m depressed I used to watch Baymax, but then someone tried making out with me while I watched it so it was forever ruined.”  
There’s no reaction from Yoongi, but that’s okay. Hoseok knows that Yoongi isn’t that good friends with words, but that’s okay because those little grumps that escape his throat every now and then are enough for Hoseok to continue.

“So how about we watch the notebook? We can just cry the whole time and after that we’ll both feel drained, but all the shitty feelings will be washed out and then I’ll get a really big bottle of water to keep you hydrated and then we’ll take a big nice shower and after that we’re going to get you out of here for at least twenty minutes.”  
Hoseok only breaths after he ends his little speech.

“How does that sound?”

There’s no answer from Yoongi. It scares Hoseok, but the way that Yoongi stiffens scares him even more.

“We don’t have to,” he carefully offers.   
“I get if this is too early for you, if this isn’t possible for you in ever that’s fine as well. I can leave-”  
“No don’t go!”

His voice is broken. Hoseok’s heart aches when Yoongi turns around, streaks of tears all across his face. But Yoongi’s heart hurts even more, it hurts so good.

It hurts with all the admiration and love he’s feeling. People did care about him in his life, yes, but not like Hoseok did just now. He understood without asking and Yoongi didn’t think that that’d be possible.

“I- I want that. Just..”  
Hoseok stretches his hands out again, this time placing the cake down before doing so.  
“Slow?” he asks.  
Yoongi nods furiously. A small smile plants itself on Hoseok’s mouth.  
“No problem. Nice and slow. Just like this.”  
He slowly moves a step towards Yoongi who stiffens on reflex.  
“It’s okay,” Hoseok shushes him quietly. “You’re fine.”  
He’s mere centimeters away from brushing his fingertips over Yoongi’s hands when he stills.

 

“Can I touch you? Is that okay?”  
There’s concern in his voice. Yoongi looks at him, his gaze falls down to Hoseok’s hands and he shakes his head furiously. He can’t do this.

“Okay,” Hoseok breathes and lets his hands fall. “That’s okay.” Yoongi tries to figure out if Hoseok is just being nice or actually understands the border that he can’t cross, but he doesn’t get to do so.  
“So let’s start the movie.”  
Hoseok smiles genuinely and moves towards the couch, giving Yoongi enough space to decide where he would like to sit and enough space to decide if he can accept the notebook or if he needs another movie to calm.  
He doesn’t.  
The notebook it is.

 

They only eat half of the cake because after that Yoongi feels itchy all over.  
He has a melt down only ten minutes before the ending of the movie and gets talked through it by Hoseok.   
After that he feels totally drained, actually not able to take a shower, but Hoseok makes him do so and sets the water on cold. When Yoongi protests Hoseok softly but surely squishes his shoulder.  
“It’ll help, trust me,” he whispers before he leaves the door for Yoongi to go shower.

Taking showers with depression is hard on some days, but Hoseok can’t help. He won’t force Yoongi to something he doesn’t want and he knows that Yoongi isn’t ready for him to shower with him. To comb through his knitted hair and massage shampoo in it. So he doesn’t. 

Yoongi falls asleep after drinking half of the water bottle. Hoseok writes a note and then leaves.

 

The day was hard and shitty, but they both appreciate that experience.

 

-

 

Her hair isn’t pretty today. Somehow her nails look too fat and she doesn’t even know how nails can look fat. 

Yoongi sighs down at her nails. Even her prettiest nail color (she only has two) seems to not work today. A throaty moan snaps her out of her thoughts. People are fucking noisily in the apartment beside her, how great.  
“Fucking shuddup,” she mumbles under her breath before removing her blankets from her body and standing up.

It all just needs a change in attitude, not a change of her body, she’s sure of that. But it’s hard to keep on thinking that when she’s being weighed down by her depression.

Mental illness sucks, she writes on her arm with a red marker. There’s no way she ever would be cutting, not only because she’s over her seriously depressive phase and not because she does not want to and thinks it’s stupid, but also because she just got no fucking money to get things outside of the necessities for living.  
No way in hell would she be spending money on bandages.

So she settles for red markers and tries to stay positive.

-

 

»You okay?«

Yoongi just curls up in bed and throws a blanket over their head.

»That’s a no. I’m coming over.« Is what Namjoon texts only one minute after Yoongi read but didn’t answer the message.

 

-

 

“Yoongs open the door. It’s getting colder and I’m probably going to break the door while knocking if you don’t!”

A loud groan escapes their mouth as they stand up and walk towards the shitty white door that always seems to bring good stuff into their life when they just want to rest.

They open it and slam it shut right after Namjoon comes in. It isn’t exactly on purpose, it’s just a bad habit. The loud colliding noise of door and wall startle them and wake them up. It helps just the tiniest bit.

“So how are you holding up?” Namjoon asks as they stumble through the small corridor.  
Yoongi just shows him their arm.  
“Ah shit has been getting to you again?”  
They fall onto Yoongi’s bed in synch already so used to living through shitty days with each other.  
Yoongi blinks up at the ceiling. Is it really getting to them again? They don’t think so. Things have been going great for them for a while they’ve been doing totally fine until now, so why are they feeling so down.

“Just... stress I guess,” they mumble.  
Namjoon groans.  
“Didn’t happen for long and now you’re not used to it?”  
A sigh.  
“Yeah.”  
Silence is going through the room. An unwelcome friend that makes talking awkward and difficult.

“I didn’t really... the last months. But now I feel like the world is going down.”  
“Yeah, but that’s just how mental illness works. You’re totally fine one moment and the next you have a melt down because you put two different socks on.”  
“I know,” Yoongi sighs. “But it’s just that I want it to go away.”  
“But it won’t. You’ll just learn to cope.”  
“That does so not help, asshole.”  
“Watch your mouth, I don’t want to call pretty mama Jin in this part of the city to make her wash your shitty mouth.”  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

 

“So, what you’re feeling like today?”  
Yoongi just shows him the bracelet that Hoseok got them. They/them, it reads.  
“Thanks but that’s not what I meant.” He chuckles lightly and pokes Yoongi’s not responding body until he finally gets a grunt out of them.

“I meant things like: do you feel up to standing up? Did you go shower yet? Did you have some water?”  
“No, yes and I guess no.”  
“Wow what a healthy life.”

Yoongi just grunts.  
They wish Hoseok would be there, would make them do things again with so much love that it felt suffocating in a good way.  
Hoseok, is the last thing Yoongi thinks of before they curl up and talk to Namjoon about something that’ll lighten up the mood. The project that Yoongi finally got to finish.

 

-

 

Jungkook is working his first shift when Jimin walks in with Taehyung. Their gazes meet and Jungkook cracks on the outside.  
Guilt is written all over his face, because now he knows how endearing and great Taehyung is and that he’d never hurt anyone, but Jimin is not mad. He isn’t mad since Jungkook apologized. He strides to the counter and kisses Jungkook. 

There’s a month of time laying between their last kiss. It makes Jungkook’s heart beat up to his throat.

Jungkook’s eyes grow so wide, he bets he looks like a frog out of a comic.  
When he tries to pull Jimin back into a kiss the smaller male pushes him away.

“Don’t be too greedy,” he says shyly. “I just wanted to come by and tell you how proud I am of you for getting another job.”  
Jungkook doesn’t answer, he just stares at his beautiful boyfriend with wide eyes.

Jimin kissed him.

Jimin kissed him.

Jimin kissed him.

That’s the only thought that his brain wants to provide. Although they’ve been dating for a long time and live together and fucked and kissed a million of times, after having to grovel for almost a month he really gets to appreciate kissing Jimin again.

“Also I’m so proud that you’re working with the jealousy course together aka Taehyung my bro hoe.”  
Taehyung hits his arm and therefore gets three back. Because that’s Jimin: totally unfair but still the best thing that could ever happen to anyone.  
Jungkook is already straining in his jeans through their kiss and seeing dominant Jimin making Taehyung submit does not help at all.

Yes, he totally is a horny dumb teenager boy who just wants to get fucked by his boyfriend again because they didn’t for a month and that’s like way to long. Jungkook can’t take two days without Jimin filling him up, claiming him.  
And no masturbating helped in no way. It’s not the same as getting talked down by Jimin, being slammed into their shared mattress, getting hickeys all over his body, being marked and claimed and fucked into overwhelming pleasure.

Jungkook shivers at the thought when his first customer ever comes in.  
“Hello,” the girl greets and Jungkook replies with a quick hello.  
She orders while he tries to act normal as he’s warming her some vegetarian pizza up.   
“Jungkook just managed that like a pro, don’t you think, Tae?” Jimin asks way to loudly.  
“Yeah,” Tae replies. “I was worse when I got my first customer. Made a fool of myself cause I dropped the pizza you know?”  
Jimin laughs at him.

Something in Jungkook’s stomach uncurls and lets a warm feeling flee into his body.  
He feels good all over. Somehow he feels that Taehyung belongs here, with them.

-

Jungkook gets his dear wish only a day later. When Jimin comes home Jungkook’s undressed and leaking all over his stomach in front of the door.

The only thing that covers him is a sign handwritten that he holds in front of his crotch.  
Jimin cracks up into a fit of giggles as he reads “please notice me, senpai.”  
Jungkook blushes, but he does not hide. With shame he stares at Jimin.

“I’ve been groveling for a month. And I’m not just saying this to make you have sex with me, but I totally appreciate you in my life. I know my borders now and what I’m not allowed to cross and I just love you so so so much.”  
He sighs and looks at his fingers that are curled into the sign.  
“What I’m trying to say is: Will you fuck me?”

Jimin looks at him with love in his eyes. He sets his rucksack down and pulls his shoes off before closing the door and striding over to Jungkook.

“I love you so much, baby.”

With that the paper falls to the floor as their lips meet.

-

Yoongi feels good today. Her nails look totally fine and she goes to work with music that makes her feel a little bit alive.

There she meets Taehyung.  
The boy wears huge dark circles under his eyes as an accessory. Yoongi has enough problems, but she still asks because Taehyung is a friend she wants to keep around.

“What’s up?”  
“You know that feeling when you’re in love with two people and they are all happy together and fuck and totally do not need you? Yeah that ones high key up at the moment.”  
Taehyung was never one to hide feelings. He would isolate himself to work through them on his own, but he would not hide what he’s feeling if directly asked.

“Since when are you polyamorous?” Yoongi asks while getting her apron out of the back.  
“Dunno man. Just kinda fell in love with them, can’t really do something against it.”

Yoongi stills. Taehyung didn’t use the word ‘crush’ throughout their whole conversation. He said love.

What a huge word.

“You sure it’s love?” she asks.  
“Yeah, I... I figured. Never felt this way before.”  
“What’s it like,” she asks although knowing the feeling all to well. Not describable, exactly what Yoongi is feeling about Hoseok, but tries not to.  
She tries so hard not to, because she’ll just hurt in the end.

“It’s like… I’m so happy for them that they have each other and stuff, you know? But at the same time I want them to want me. Their smiles make me so happy and although I don’t know Jungkook as good as I know Jimin, I fell so hard for him, I broke my heart a couple of times.”  
That’s what makes Yoongi look up through her lashes. Taehyung is really freaking tall.  
“You’re in love with Jikook?” She gasps confirming her question herself.

“I know, noona. There’s no way they like me and they have each other and stuff, I figured that myself. If they would be poly they would have already had like twenty people dating them throughout their life, but they don’t cause they are a monogamous couple that’s in love-“  
“Taehyung stop,” Yoongi interrupts. She currently puts spice on pizza.  
“You should talk to them. Tell them what you feel and tell them the solution you got for your problem.”  
“I can’t just go like hi Jiminie my best friend and soulmate I’m not able to see you again cause I’m a dumbfuck and in love with you and by the way I’m totally in love with your boyfriend as well. I’d just love to fuck but like you know no one wants me so I’m just going to freaking take my distance so you can be happy!”

That’s when Yoongi notices Jungkook standing quietly at the counter. He came in like a minute ago but didn’t want to intrude their discussion, he was never someone to get between people shouting.   
As Taehyung turns he acknowledges him and shrugs.  
“Life cannot be shittier than it is right now anyways so why not lose my best friend,” he whispers.

And then the sarcasm suddenly vanishes. 

“I’m sorry Guk,” he says and turns to go into the back. Not to change out of his apron and leave because that’s not how things go, he still needs the money. It’s to give Jungkook a bit space before he has to work with him for about three hours.   
Jungkook let’s him.  
His eyes cast downwards on his hands, his heart is beating so fast at Taehyung’s words, but it shouldn’t.  
He’s supposed to love Jimin, he loves Jimin, so why does he react this way?

Yoongi sighs.  
Polyamorous relationships are too complicated for her.

 

-

 

The next time Yoongi sees Hoseok is in lecture. They both are concentrated and do not talk, but after the lecture Hoseok turns to Yoongi.

“I have something for you.” Whatever Hoseok wants to give is small and black and has red dots on its cheeks and that’s when Yoongi understands.  
It’s a small Kumamon figurine.  
“It’s supposed to remind you of the beginning, when I called you Kumamon.”  
“You actually said that my ‘sister’ is like Kumamon.”  
“Well, yeah, but-“

“No, no buts!” he interrupts.  
His heart is outraged, his breath is caught in his lungs as he jumps up from his chair.  
“Stop making me presents, stop being so nice.”  
Hoseok sits there confused, oh that’s a thing he’s very good at, being confused.  
“Why?”  
“Because you don’t love me!”  
“Who said that?“ Hoseok asks still not catching up.  
“You’re just confused with your sexuality, this is not going to work. Once you’ll figure things out-“  
And that’s when Hoseok finally understands.

 

“Oh no! In no way you’re going to make me feel guilty about being confused! So what? What if I’m confused? I love you that’s the fucking point! If that makes me fucking pansexual or whatever so be it!”

Hoseok comes close to him and he actually, without asking, initiates body contact. He pokes his finger deep into Yoongi’s chest and stares him down.  
“Just because you won’t get your fucking head out of your ass to see the facts you’re not fucking allowed to tell me that I’m an asshole. You’re being totally unfair.”

And suddenly everything falls apart. The sunbeams that seemed to tangle in Yoongi‘s hair whenever Hoseok was around fall to the ground, he crumbles like a leave under Hoseok words.   
All the anger vanished out of him, but not out of Hoseok, Hoseok is still angry.

That’s when Yoongi catches up. Hoseok had been frustrated for so long, he was trying to make Yoongi like him, to prove that he’s worth a try like Yoongi asked him to, but he couldn’t see it.  
And now all that frustration comes out.

“You know what?” A deep sigh that seems to pull all of the bad emotions out of Hoseok’s body, makes him look exhausted and drained as if he’s going to break if he won’t get away from here erupts out of him.  
“Fuck this. You were right, I can’t do this? Happy now?”

 

And that’s how Hoseok walked out of Yoongi’s life, Yoongi thinks that’d be a good line for his biography.  
Something pulls him out of his negativity, there’s no time for this.

“No!” Yoongi screams so loud that a few pairs of eyes look at him, but he does not care. Not right now. He needs Hoseok to stay.

He needs Hoseok.

 

“You don’t get to walk away like this! You don’t get to leave me alone like this. I’m not some object you can throw away, I’m not a freaking toy. I’m a person and for fucks sake even I have emotions and you do get to play with them so fucking stand your man and tell me straight up what you think.”  
Hoseok stills at the door that leads to the hall, he lets his head hang.

“I’m in love with Min Yoongi. Neon lights, mint hair, words that bite but leave love. But I don’t know if Min Yoongi is ready to be loved. I don’t know if I’m ready to be loved by them.”  
Theres silence running through Yoongi’s mind. He doesn’t know what to say, he feels happy but somehow is still suffocating.

“I... I... We can. We can date.”

That’s the only sentence that his mind actually tells his lips to say.

Hoseok turns around at that.  
“Is that what you want?”  
His gaze is hopeful so hopeful that Yoongi can’t hurt him, he wouldn’t.  
“Yes. I- Just don’t know how. Let’s please-“

And again Hoseok understands and he nods.  
“Slowly,” he says and smiles.  
“Yeah.”

Three strides and then Hoseok stretches his hand out and this time they actually intertwine their fingers.

-

Jimin is the first one to understand the situation. When Jungkook suddenly falls silent in the evening as Taehyung is mentioned and when Taehyung doesn’t react to messages or calls.

There’s something between them. And he knows that neither would start a fight so he’s pretty sure another feeling is blooming. And when Jungkook doesn’t feel up for sex and doesn’t want to cuddle Jimin gets it.

They’re in love and he… he probably is in their way.

So he calls Taehyung with black orbs as eyes, soaked with sadness and tells him to come over, tells him hat he knows about the situation and that it’s fine. He tells him that he’ll be gone before he arrives so they don’t have to worry.   
He actually doesn’t tell Taehyung those words but his answering machine.

His heart screams at him to not do this to make it work somehow, but he knows that it won’t. So he scribbles down a message for Jungkook and leaves with only a rucksack full of underwear.

-

When Jungkook comes home he panics immediately. He feels that something is off from the floor, the bad air is scratching at his neck and makes him choke and even when he runs up the last steps nothing changes about it.  
He gets into their apartement.  
Suddenly there’s a sticky note on the very first surface that comes to his eyes.

“Be happy with Taehyung. I’m the last person to ever be in the way of your happiness. Next time just tell your partner you love someone else, okay? You’re a great person, Guk. I hope you cherished our time like I did. Jimin.”

No with love, no see you, just Jimin.  
“No this can’t be true,” he mumbles. Crumbling the paper.  
“Jimin?” he screams, but there’s no answer. No tiny footsteps, no shouting for him to be silent. There no one in the apartment except for him. No Jimin.

He cries and sobs and suddenly there are arms around him.  
“Do you know where he is?”  
Jungkook wants to answer in a sarcastic way, but instead he just cries out loud and scratches his chest. He needs to rip it out, needs to rip his heart out and with it all his feelings. The frustration, the jealousy, the angst, the worry, the itch but more important the love. 

“I guess that’s a no.” Jungkook doesn’t even listen to Taehyung. His tears won’t stop coming. There he was thinking everything is fine, finally having Jimin back all to himself for maybe a week and now this happens and Jimin is gone.

He chokes on his tears.  
His eyes widen.  
Jimin is gone. Jimin. He needs Jimin. He can’t do this without Jimin.  
“It’s okay, we’re going to find him,” Taehyung assures calm on the outside, but he isn’t sure at all.

-

 

Jimin crashes at Hoseok’s apartment. They’ve known each other for years because they both mayor in dance. Hoseok’s room still smells like the last time that Jimin was there. It smells like passion and sun and somehow happiness.

“Things are going good?”   
Jimin asks about Hoseok first because other people always have to come first otherwise he’ll feel way to selfish. But Hoseok doesn’t let him do his bullshit with him, he cuts him off with a hand motion and makes him sit down.  
“What is between Jungkook and you?”  
“He loves Taehyung and Taehyung loves him, so I’m outta there so they can get their asses up and be happy together.”

Hoseok blinks.  
“No.”  
Jimin shrugs.  
“I guess making him grovel wasn’t a good idea because it just gave him time to fall in love with Taehyung, right?”  
“No. Not Jungkook. That guy literally drops his pants when I as much as say your name.”

Jimin sighs, it annoys himself. Since when did he get such a grumpy-sighy-person he should really light up and see things from the good side again.  
“Being sexually attracted doesn’t mean that he’s in love-“

Banging on the door cuts him off.  
“Jung Hoseok you better open the fucking door and tell me that Jimin’s in there with you or my princess ass is going to walk out of your life because fucking Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook won’t shut up over how their boyfriend freaking vanished.”  
There’s some chatter, the only thing that Jimin catches is a broken: “I don’t think that he’s my boyfriend anymore,” and a ,”he never even was mine.”

What?  
Hoseok opens the door without Jimin’s permission. He’s way to emotionally drained after all the drama with Yoongi to get himself through this.  
When he opens his door Jungkook is the first one to storm in. It looks like a bad movie scene, how he catches Jimin with his eyes and falls on his knees and cries in Jimin’s lap. Jimin sits stiff, not knowing what to do.

“I think your boyfriend doesn’t like your head in another mans lap, Jungkook,” he says and moves the tiniest bit away.  
“He is NOT my boyfriend,” the younger guy hiccups.   
“But I’d like to be,” Taehyung mumbles.  
“So you should. I know that Jungkook loves you, he looks at you the way he used to look at me. You can both be happy. I don’t get the prob-“  
“The problem is that I can’t live without you.” Jungkook is still crying in his lap while uttering these words, but Jimin doesn’t react.

“So I guess, I’ll just.. yeah.”  
Taehyung gets on his knees as well, but he just sits there while Jungkook cries. Then he opens his mouth, he closes it again, suddenly there’s a piece of paper in his hand. When he opens his mouth this time his voice blooms through the room.

“Hi Jimin, I wanted to tell you this all along but I didn’t know how to. I’m in love with you and your boyfriend and I’m not sorry for that love feeling, I’m sorry for what it’ll do to us because I know that it’ll change things and that you will push me away. It’s okay though, don’t feel guilty about trying to be happy, I’m trying myself as well. Please don’t give anyone the fault for this and don’t think Jungkook doesn’t love you although he knows about my feelings. He doesn’t feel the same. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook’s head suddenly tilts up.  
“Love you though.”  
And Jimin bites his lip as he actually understands the situation.  
“Same,” he says silently.  
“Then why am I crying?” asks Jungkook without stopping a split second. And this time Taehyung follows and ugly sobs as he clutches Jungkook’s arm and Jimin’s knee. A few tears well up in Jimin’s eyes as well, but he doesn’t let them fall.   
“I’m just so happy,” Jungkook sobs.

He looks up at Jimin, while Jimin looks down at Taehyung and suddenly they all lean in.  
That’s how they had their first kiss all together. As Taehyung’s lips meet Jimin’s Jungkook’s come from the side. It’s messy and ugly and tears are running between their lips, but they are all so happy. 

Jungkook stands up from the floor and pulls Taehyung up with him. He then places both of them in Jimin’s lip who huffs but doesn’t protest.

“Oh come on, not in front of my salad!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Vminkook and Sope and Namjin all happy and in love. You can request anything based on his universe like if you’d like to read some date between Sope or stuff I got your back.  
> Pls leave reviews <3

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably have a sequel


End file.
